Wednesday, May 11, 2016

DAY 7—Am I Really Doing This?

My "desk" today
First, I have to say thank you for all of the support this past week… You all have been so amazing and encouraging that I am actually a little worried about letting you down! But it means the world to me, that people even read what I write blows my mind sometimes, and I am insanely grateful for it.

It seems a little crazy and a little out of character that I even did this. I actually sat down at the computer, wrote that blog declaring this 30 day challenge and posted it to FB without letting myself think about it—or rather over-think it. I didn’t have a plan, I didn’t have a list of topics to write about, just the desire—no the need—to push myself, to get back to writing and find a way to connect with others. And after I posted it, I started panicking because by putting it out there, I had instantly made myself accountable—and that was terrifying! But again, it was your kindness and generosity that pushed the away the what-have-I-dones and freed the I-am-really-doing-this!

Some days it is tough to find 20 minutes, I am actually typing this in my car—I pulled up to the pickup line at Liam’s school and I have exactly 22 minutes to wait for them to release the kids {if it sounds ridiculous that I am waiting more than 5 minutes to get my kid, you have no idea, this is NOTHING! And the sad part if what I am pretty far back in line….} so I popped open my computer and started writing…. 

And again, unlike me, I don’t have a list of topics. Usually I am too Type A and won’t do anything without an itemized check list, but now I am trying to find where my heart leads me each day…I just start typing and see what happens—and the truth is, sometimes I am happy with what these keys reveal and other days I am really not, but I am staying true to my word and posting anyway. {It always sends a nervous jolt down my spine when I post to FB!}

Stepping out of our comfort zone is essential, we all know that, but summoning the courage to do so can sometimes feel even scarier than taking that first step, let alone leap. When I set the timer and open this laptop each day, I get a rush of anxiety. All of my fears ignite, burning quickly up my back like bang-snap fireworks up my spine. And I feel my shoulders hunch as the what-ifs start hammering my confidence—and I stop, take a breath and say to myself it’s OK if I fail, it’s proof that I tried.

So I want to say, if there is something you want to do—sing, paint, skydive, take a class, learn karate—don’t wait, the first few times will be awkward, challenging, painful, funny, embarrassing, nerve-wracking, but then it is breathtaking, freeing, beautiful, exhilarating, fun! 

And better yet, I will make a deal with you, I will not let doubt stop me if you won’t. 

{The kids are out of school, so I gotta run!}

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