Friday, May 27, 2016

DAY 14—Back at Bat

Over the last couple of weeks my emotions have been turned upside down and inside out—and honestly I have had all I can do to ride the waves without being sucked under. {Shout out to my husband who has dealt with a lot from me lately…}

And yet today I feel at peace—well truthfully, I feel at peace in this moment and we all know what happens to a good moment, it can change instantly. So I am enjoying it while it lasts. 

I am also questioning some choices I have made lately… I listen to the recommendations from experts, doctors, teachers for my kids and while I do pride myself on always going with my gut, I put A LOT of stock into their opinions. And as you know Liam is ADHD, but he is also a slow processor, which I have come to believe is a beautiful thing. Sure he can be a step behind others and it makes it difficult for him to learn concepts, but once he does, he knows in a multi-layered way that surpassed how I learn, which to me is somewhat breathtaking. 

But he not only has an IEP for academics, but he also has one for gym—which completely threw me when I first heard it and there may have been some tears shed over a PE IEP, but knowing that he simply needs the game to be pre-taught to him does make sense. They have always said that karate {which he does} is a good sport or maybe track, but not really team sports as it may be hard for him to keep up. Well this spring he BEGGED to play baseball, I said no no no, but he was relentless so finally we said yes.

And now every Tuesday and Thursday, I am sitting on the bleachers biting my nails in the longest 90 minutes of my life. I feel nervous because not everyone there knows what we are dealing with or how to react to him…. Then the other night a parent said that Liam is having so much fun out there. It shouldn’t have, but it stopped me… He was having fun. I mean he was wearing his glove like a hat and dancing in the outfield but he was loving it. 

It was in that moment that I felt a shift in myself… I tried to stand back a little, give him more space and let him explore the sport. It is really difficult for me not to yell out, he is incredible distracted, he is just beat behind, he is a special kid—but you know what, it doesn’t matter does it? For these 90 minutes he doesn’t have to go to a reading specialist, he doesn’t have to calm his body, he can just be a kid goofing around the baseball diamond.

So I guess it’s my turn. I need to just be a mom watching my son without white knuckling it…. because if you fear striking out, you’ll never hit a home run, right?

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