Monday, February 29, 2016

Sweet Dreams

Taken last year: Our bed filled with sleeping boys, no parents in sight
So…. my baby slept through the night! OK OK, my baby is 3.5 years old. But he has only ever slept through the night one other time in his life. And while he is young, there are children all over the world sleeping through the night who are MUCH younger than he is.

His brother slept through the night at 6 weeks old. When our friends complained about their sleepless nights, I used to nod and act like I understood, but the truth is I had no idea what these poor people were going through until Connor was born. This guy cried for hours on end. Every. Single. Day. Then we realized he had a lot of food allergies and once we got him on an RX formula he was SO happy, SO kind-hearted, SO joyful, SO AWAKE. Ugh, it’s just like that fickle beast known as parenthood, you figure out one thing when nine more unexplainables pop up out of nowhere. And so it was, the child could finally eat, but barely napped and barely slept at night.

Perpetually awake, we thought he had to grow out of it, he had to start sleeping at some point, right? WRONG. By 18 months, he took one hour-long nap during the day and then gave that up at 23 months. Plus he was always up two—three times in the night until the last few months when it miraculously shifted to only once at 4AM.

If you’re wondering how my husband and I have been functioning. Well, I’m not so sure we have, but I’ve been too tired to notice. Not to mention, I am pretty sure I look ten years older than I am, a half-asleep echo of the vibrant woman I once was. I’ve slowly morphed into someone who falls asleep on the couch at 9PM, who is always pining after sleep like it was a forbidden love or something even more indulgent, like chocolate peanut butter ice cream.

And then this morning, when I realized he had actually done it, actually slept through the night, I was suddenly sad, really really sad. The warmth of his little body all curled up, touch of his hand on my arm, the smell of his hair, the sensation of being needed…. I {dare I say it} missed it.

While these days may be long and most moments insanely challenging, I know we are in a sweet spot right now with our boys. And I want to hold on as tight as I can, but I can feel it slipping quietly away….

If you asked me yesterday I would have complained about the lack of sleep, but today felt different. I know there is so much to look forward to in our lives together… I know there is growing up to do… But is it wrong to hope for a little blonde head next to mine in the morning?
Just one more time.

1 comment:

  1. My kid usually comes into our room at some point over night. Could be any time between 1 am and 5 am. This is after she doesnt' go to sleep until 9:30 on a GOOD night. It used to make me mental, but now I just scoop her up and let her sleep with us. I definitely think I will miss it when (if?) she stops.