Thursday, April 30, 2015

DAY FOUR: Finding the Fun

Sometimes things aren’t always how you pictured they’d be—OK, most often things aren’t ever how you imagined them. HA!

Moving has not been exactly what I thought it would be. When we first moved, there were seven of us living at my parents’ house—thankfully they had the room and the patience to accommodate all of us. We had these giant family dinners every night—my mom, my dad, my brother, my husband, Liam, Connor and me all around the table. Yes. Every. Single. Night. My mom would make party-sized meals for our wild brood. And sometimes (most times) when Liam couldn’t keep his knees off the table or when Connor was screaming just to hear himself scream, I knew I had to ride it out because even though they were not perfect, or what I had thought our dinners would look like (cue a child squirting ketchup across the table) I knew these were special dinners and shouldn’t take them for granted.

Oh and now that I was able to be home during the day, we kept the kids home too—and it was terrifying! For the last five years we had taken them to daycare and school at 830AM and picked them up at 6PM. Now they were there ALL THE TIME. The first Monday morning after making the move, I remember looking at Liam and thinking—oh, you are still here. OH, YOU ARE STILL HERE, what are we going to do today???? Being with them 24 hours/day was scary enough, but trying to figure out how to do that while my family looked on was overwhelming to me. I wanted to to be able to handle everything, so I forgot to look around and see that my parents, my brother and my husband were there to help ME help them. And once I figured that out the fear evaporated and I started to see the joy in each day with my kids.

And being a WFHM (Work From Home Mom) continues to be a unique challenge that has been harder to adapt to than I thought it would be. Sure the “Working Mom Guilt” is a little lessened by the ability to physically BE there. But it can also amplify the stress—because I am here, I am their go-to person even if I have a project due. So when I have a deadline looming and I am wishing Connor would stop circling me like a shark, I try to stop take a deep breath and remember how lucky I am to be the one to that’s with him each day, to get him his snack and play with him—and I try to remember how it used to break my heart when I couldn’t do it when we lived in NY even if it is making me crazy right now. Plus, there is the added hustle of freelance that’s not so glamorous. I’m finding it even more of a struggle lately because I am somewhat limited to only off-site work. But hey, later today I will be getting Liam off the bus—and that moment makes up for all of the late-night/early morning writing

So sure, it’s not what I thought our life would be like here, and I still have more to say but my 20 minutes are up and I need to post. So I will conclude by saying, yes, it’s not what I pictured but as long as I remind myself to take it good-moment by good-moment, it might turn out better than I ever could have imagined.

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