Monday, May 23, 2016

DAY 13—Hiatus Ends Here

Sorry I haven’t had the chance to write, but to be honest so much has gone on over the last few days that I cannot beat myself about it. 

I feel like we ordinarily live our lives at a break-neck speed and this week wasn’t any different, but we tried to accomplish even more than normal which had me scrambling from 5AM-midnight most days. I don’t love letting myself down like I have, but I found that my only times to write were when I needed to sleep and so I made what felt like the more difficult choice and slept. 

And I have so much to say…. so many thoughts I want, no need, to share with you. Over the next few days plan to tell you about everything from the happy to the sad to celebrating to the frustrating and everything in between. 

But today marks the first time in nearly a week where I have taken a breath. So that’s what I am doing, pausing, breathing, regrouping….
And that’s all I've got time for—off to karate pick up! 

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

DAY 12—Defining Days

Photo credit
I am always amazed at how the world keeps spinning… 

Yesterday I was given some sad news about a loved one and I felt the same pang that I felt years ago when my Nana passed away—how is the Earth is still moving on its axis, how is everyone is going forward with their day?

I will never forget getting the call that my Nana was gone and then walking through the NYC streets in a total haze. I watched people on cell phones chatting, people ordering coffee, people laughing and I remember in that moment wanting to scream at the top of lungs. Didn’t these people know that my life was forever changed, can’t they see that? Why aren’t they stopping what they are doing? How are they able to be happy?

I think I grew up a little then, the sun shining down on the bustling city street, while I stood there stuck, my feet feeling like lead. I think it was right then, right there when I actually, completely understood that you don’t know, you can’t know what anyone is going through. That while you may be experiencing joy at that same moment, someone else is crying, depressed, excited scared… I know I talked about this in this blog already, so I apologize for repeating it—but I am just so struck by it sometimes that it overwhelms me.

So please remember to show others kindness and compassion, because you never know what they really want to say when you ask them how they are doing.

Every day there is happiness, there are tears, there is success and there are lows. And each one is important, each one is beautiful. It shapes us into the gorgeously complicated layered people we are and the people we will become.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

DAY 11—Rise & Shine

My backyard today
I have been thinking lately that some decisions should only be made in the sunshine….

Last week it rained for 6 days (maybe more???) straight, and I felt myself sinking into the gloom like quicksand. I started to question some choices I had made, started to feel confused, started to fall into a funk… I don’t know about you, but I am very effected by the weather. The barometric pressure often gives me horrible headaches, so raining days are actually, physically painful. No wonder it puts everyone on edge, cranky and all out miserable.

I was driving down the street when it hit me—do not make any decisions right now. I had been pondering a few changes and had begun to feel powerless, even melancholy about where I am in this life. Am I working to my potential? Am I being a good guide for my children? Am I a decent writer? A kind co-worker? A loving wife? A total stress case on the verge of exploding? Fun to be around? A drag to be around? 
It was like this vicious cycle of never-ending questions that made my eyes well with tears? And that day in car, I thought it’s raining, don’t think another think until you see the light.

And now the sun is out—today is the perfect day. Sunny, breezy, beautiful. Today is a day where you feel the possibilities, like anything can happen. It’s a time to embrace your strength, believe in your ability to accomplish your goals. When you are able to think clearly and with purpose. Today is a day to make decisions, not when your judgement is literally clouded. So go ahead, if you’ve got a dream board, fill it. If you’ve got a bucket list, start crossing it off! 

Some say it’s darkest before the dawn, so we just need to hold onto the belief that the sun will rise and the light will bring warmth to everything it touches, including ourselves.

DAY 10—Soul Sisters

Photo by Andy King: Michelle thanking me for being in her wedding
Some days are good for the soul…

Yesterday I spent a couple of hours with my one my best friends. This girl is totally my soul sister. One of those people who you are lucky enough to know in life who just complete you in some way.

When we were young I used to call her my Michelle and I guess she still is. We met doing a show when I was in 8th grade, she was the white rabbit to my Alice. And in many ways she still is. The white rabbit has a sense of excitement, adventure and such incomparable navigational skills that you want to follow her where ever she leads because you know you’ll discover a greater version of yourself, one you didn’t know existed.

These days we have to sneak in a few visits here and there, usually with the soundtrack of Connor turned up to the highest volume, but she doesn’t seem to mind. We just enjoy being able to talk face to face, a big treat after having to chat on the phone for the 14 years I lived in NYC. And for all that I am so grateful, being in the same room together is just one of the amazing perks of living here!

We have actually been known to have “study halls” together, if we both have work to do but still want to see each other, we set up our computers next to each on my dining room table and get our tasks done, but we are able to talk and more importantly, laugh, inbetween assignments. Yesterday, we didn’t do much, just sat around the table catching each other up on all of the happenings in our lives. 

And you know what? I was a better person for her visit. After she left I felt a pang of sadness for a moment, because I always do when our time is done, but I also felt more relaxed, more like me—the me I like to be. I guess you could say she brings out the happiness in me… 

This quote totally sums it for me:
“Thats when I realized what a true friend was. Someone who would always love you—the imperfect you, the confused you, the wrong you—because it is what people are supposed to do.” —RJL

Friday, May 13, 2016

DAY 9—Friday the 13th

Many people look at today’s date as totally freaky—and honestly if you were around my kids today, you would definitely agree—but I love today because it’s my mom’s birthday!

She was born on a Friday the 13th and my dad was born on Halloween—pretty perfect, right? I only got to see her for a couple of minutes today, but it was so great. Since we moved, I get these fabulous little moments all the time now—and all of these little moments still feel special even after a year and a half of experiencing it every day.

I have always known my mom to be a giving, wonderful woman, but since moving back here, I have come to see and appreciate it so much more because I am seeing her actions through different eyes. She was there for my brother and I as we were growing up and now today as we continue to grow, but she is also there for my children—and in some ways I am even more grateful for that. If there is an event at Connor’s preschool, she is there, when Liam is performing or just having have baseball practice, she is there. Just the other day Connor was sad that I was taking him to school and not Grammy!

Her support is unwavering and her determination is contagious. She is strong, and soft. Compassionate and courageous. Spontaneous and smart. The kind of lady who surprises you with chocolate chip pancakes for Sunday brunch just because. She makes everyday things more exciting, after all isn’t a Grammy’s job?

So happy birthday to my mom—the fun, fearless, funny glue that holds us all together. We love you!